MSPA - Physique Logic

Greeting to all of you fine, lost children.

Today is the beginning of the establishment of the Mary Sue/Gary Stu Prevention Agency, or MSGSPA for short. We believe in well composed and developed characters who have real feelings, fears, thoughts akin to sentient beings while having the proper appearance of whatever setting these characters happen to be in (Note that since there are a multitude of different universes derived from the imaginations of many, these standards change from time to time). We also offer lessons and workshops to those who are rather...unbalanced of themselves. Our ultimate goal is to create a period where characters of all realms are able to break from the mainstream beliefs of what makes or breaks someone and become in harmony with different people and worlds.

But what is a Mary Sue or a Gary Stu? In a nutshell, they are the absolutely, absurdly perfect abominations of the world. Even though we seek to break from reality sometimes, these people take is many steps further. A few of the traits they have include that they are exceedingly beautiful or handsome, grab the attention spans of many within the first chapter (Or heavens forbid, the first paragraph!), and are able to do just about anything with the snap of a finger, forgive the pun. Mind you, these are a handful of examples, but we will cover those in later lessons.

Our lesson today is specifically targeted towards the female population: Your Body and You. Over at MSGSPA, we find a number of Mary Sues with slender figures, toned limbs, and massive bosoms seeking to be the next Yoko Littner, Lara Croft, Anarchy Stocking, and whoever is the new "Sexiest Animated Woman Alive" of the week. This is a major problem, and instead of breaking is down first, we shall put up the main idea of this lesson and make it as noticeable and blunt as possible. Forgive our crassness. Ahem...

Biology and puberty do not work that way.

Looking at anatomy and age, studies say that your figure depends on your lifestyle. For example, a woman who gorges on snack cakes and grease drippings while doing absolutely nothing about it usually end up with fat gathering everywhere, including their chest. Apart from that, a woman who mostly spends her time at the gym while shunning all that is unhealthy is likely to gain a very slim and toned figure, but a smaller cup size. Taking these facts into account, having a huge rack with a healthy body is near impossible. We say this because of two occurrences:

Firstly, these days it is possible to buy the body of your dreams with a couple million dollars and a set of instruments. However, this is only temporary as the silicone will eventually loosen and ruin the body. Secondly, there are only a miniscule number of women who look like the ideal "sexy gal" naturally. How? By acknowledging the fine line between indulgence and moderation. But since this is America, the people who know this are almost extinct. We pity this.

We must also say that if your busty character wants to become a proper "Action Girl", then their chest will get in the way. If she is going to end up jumping, running, or doing any amount of heavy physical activity, then the constant bounce of their breasts would create massive tension in the shoulders and back, easily incapacitating her in a matter of minutes.

We also see instances where Mary Sue's chest is used as either a running gag with perverted male characters or a source of angst for her. Yes, we are not joking. This is another part where we must be rude and unforgiving to the people reading this, albeit to a more lengthy edition. Now read these letters carefully...

Having a legendary cup size does not make you cute, endearing, or sympathetic.

Some guys start drooling at you? Whoop-de-freakin'-do. Take it in. Maybe it'll keep you from wearing your new bikini top at school. But wait...Did he just squeeze your left boob? Don't giggle, don't whine, just beat him off you and report him to the nearest figure of authority. Hang on, the dude was actually a girl? And you're depressed and disgusted by it? Please permit us to slap you in the face. If a girl did that, then that just means that she's probably into you too. Great to know that your unnatural charisma (or sexy aura, whichever) extends to girls. Again, it's to be expected from having huge boobs. Quit whining like an annoying bitch.

Hoo...Sorry about that, I just can't help it sometimes.

In short, please be realistic with setting up your character's physique and be ready for the consequences that follow it. Class dismissed.